Everybody's Changing

This morning I was in the car on the way to the grocery store, while listening to my Keane CD (one of my favorite groups) for some reason but every song speaks to me, every song feels like a confirmation of something I've gone through. I've longed believed that their entire CD would be on the soundtrack of my life...(could be because I'm so darn introspective and cerebral).

But while I was driving, I felt like this could be a  posting on the blog, don't because it;s extremely relevant to my life right now, but it's something that I think my readers would be able to relate to.

Life has a funny way of you giving you what you need when you need it (and I guess taking it away when you don't) For a long time I've felt like I was going through a transformation (emotional, spiritually, physically), and because of it I've "grown out" of a lot of relationships. I can't stand here and tell you that I'm the same person I was ten years ago...I'm not the same person that I was six months ago, and I think that's okay, I think as humans we are meant to evolve, we are meant to experience the good and the bad.

So "out growing" relationships. I know that I said it, but I have a problem with the word. It's not like they are clothes or shoes or something. I would never say that a person(s) haven't touched my life in some way, so that they haven't been there for me through difficult times, but I've recently realized that you can't keep relationships just for the sake of having one, if a relationship (friendship, partnership, marriage...whatever) isn't a shared experience where there is give and take, why would you continue to stay in a one sided relationship. Why you continue to change and the person is not changing with you? Someone recently told me that this view was a cop-out. So let me ask you this? How many of your high-school friends are you still in contact with? How many friends from college do you still hang out with? (and friending them on Facebook doesn't count)

Have you ever hear, "people come into your life for a reason, and for a season?" I believe that, that's why I try my hardest not to burn bridges, you never know when they might come back into your life.

When I decided to loss weight, I never in a million years thought that this would be a such an emotional journey for me, the changes for me emotionally have far outweighed the physical changes. It's almost become a therapy for me... when you loss weight, you are forced to reevaluate your life and take a long , hard, honest look at it. Things emerge that were hidden and you find things about yourself that you never knew. I think this is one of the reasons you hear so many people (who have lost weight) say, "a lot of my friends say I've changed" or "It seems like I'm losing friends" Before I went on this journey I would have simply said they were jealous, but now being in that position I realize what it is. Everybody's Changing, just not in the same way.

Reflections on Life Lessons

I always say, "When you know better, you do better" I firmly believe that. And because the new year is upon us I like to reflect on the past year and look at some of the life lessons that I learned.

1. Family comes in many forms, blood relation has absolutely nothing to with it. I am eternally grateful for my family who ALWAYS stand besides me no matter what.
2. It took me years to gain weight, it may very well take me years to take it off... and I'm okay with that!
3. Never make New Years Resolutions....
4. There is a difference between friendships and acquaintanceship....you learn very quickly when things get rough which one you're in.
5. No matter how much I weigh, I can confidently say that I love myself no matter what
6. Bullshit has no place in my life, if you like to spread it... go some where else...this is a bullshit free zone
7. I need to take more risks... as far as I'm concerned the worst has already happened
8. The hugs of a mom is the most magical thing, they can cure all ills
9. I don't have the life that I wanted, but that doesn't make it any less important
10. I'm still a work in progress

What life lessons have you learned this year? 

See ya next year !

Are you a Sabatour?

I ain't talking about the Alfred Hitchcock classic either....

Before I begin let me just say that this is MY diary, and how I see things, my weight loss and my journey, you don't like it you can stuff it! That being said... let's continue


I am grateful for all the support and encouragement that I get while on this journey, but when does it become sabotage?

I've gotten to the point where I've become extremely sensitive of people telling what I should eat, how I should eat. For example if I tell you I have a tuna sandwich from subway, a your response should not be "WOW, that's the worst sandwich on the menu".... and so what if it is... I ate the sandwich and other stuff, and stayed with in my caloric, carb, sugar and fat range... so why should you feel concerned about what I put in my mouth.

I have found that people LOVE a fat person, they are cute, and cuddly and for the most part amenable, we are the comic relief. So when a fat person wants to become better, do better, it becomes EVERYONE's concern. And yes, SABOTEURS will emerge, they mask themselves as friends, family and coworkers, but the one we should all be concerned about is the one that we see when we look in the mirror. Lately I've noticed that I've been doing small things the sabotage myself, namely drinking things (outside of water) and not accounting for them in my daily dairy.. and I know what more than anything those sugary drinks will add up, and show up when you least expect it.

This whole, "NEW YEAR, NEW YOU" mantra is more than just something ad companies are using to help get people in the gym, it's actually something I'm taking to heart. I'm on this whole new spiritual, physical, emotional journey. I am getting rid of the bad, (relationships, feelings, you name it) and surrounding myself with pure positive energy. I can't stop others from trying to be the saboteur, but I know ones things for sure. I will no longer be sabotaging myself.

As always when you know better, you do better.... until next time!