Change in Progress: motivation

Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Up, Down....Half way to Onederland

Maybe I should say more than half way...

a collage of me

This morning I notice that I am more than half way through my weight loss journey. My goal has always been to lose 100 pounds... although my mother thinks that way too much, she can actually thinks I should lose 10 more pounds and be done...psst not gonna happen.

GOALS, GOALS, GOALS....

When I first starting losing weight I only wanted to look better in my clothes... and I wanted my stomach to not be so fat and I so happy to say that I've accomplished both of those goals

My next goal is Toning.... I need to get rid of the flab.. I swear when I lay down I feel it just plop on me..so that is defiantly the next to go along with the weight.

Do I have a goal weight... not really (despite to goal of 100 pounds) but I for sure want to out of the two's.

My "Ditch the Bitch" vacation is over. This week the Blue Team weighed in after a six week vacation. This was our last official weekly weigh in.. and I couldn't be happier about it. In the past I have been so focused on the scale and not the overall transformation,

So starting next week we begin out monthly weigh in...which I personally feel is better indicator of weight loss than the weekly, and I think it will change the atmosphere of the team.

This week I have been plagued with challenges; the extreme heat, my reoccurring insomnia, numerous doctors appointments and an upcoming family reunion where I'm 90% sure that the temptation to indulge will be there... so I'm vowing before it even happens, to do something active every single day of the reunion and to stay within my calorie range...plus I'm currently on a streak on myfitnesspal...so far 296 s days of logging in my food intake and exercise. (I'm a beast!!!)

With the heat and not being able to sleep it's making my ability to exercise down to nil, I have been walking in the wee hours of the morning to get some sort of exercise as well as to try to tire myself out...what ever this is I'm hoping that it passes soon so that I can get back to normal

So what's the deal with the candy? It's an activity for the kids at the banquet. I had to count each and everyone of those pebbles of sugary goodness..and I didn't eat one... that in it's self is a victory!

Here's a little ditty for ya... until next time!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

In: Accountability , Blue Team , Everybody Changes , motivation , My Fitness Pal , NSV , Nutritional values , Snark , Transplant

Almost a year later

Since I'm not able to lift anything or exercise I figured I would revisit my blog and apparently I haven't blogged since February... geez... I've been a busy girl... okay maybe not so busy....but LOTS of life changes. So let's take it slow....

SPRING (Feb, Mar, Apr)
This past spring, something snapped in me, I don't know what it was but for the first time I wanted to de-clutter my life and my body.... got rid of people in my life who really just negative and non supportive. It's always a difficult decisions, but one that I haven't regretted yet. This made me more determined to lose weight and get "me" back.... It was also during this time that I learned about my arch enemy.... my arms...but I can't complain... things are shrinking... and I'm happy about it!

flabby arms

SUMMER (May, Jun....)
My mother thinks I'm starving myself, she hasn't come out and say it... but she thinks I don't eat enough food...for the record my base caloric intake is 1310 (more when I exercise,but I am almost always under no more than 200-300 calories) Every time I go over, she tries to feed me...I have to remind her that I do eat cookies, I do have ice cream...I do eat food. But I just make sure that it stays in my range... she continues to look at my like I've starving. Then I took this picture and she damn near lost her mind and determined I was too skinny (notice my arch enemy the hanging arm flab)... clearly she hasn't looked at the scale.

I brought a dress... that's not all that odd...but this dress doesn't have layers or an empire waist to hide the belly fat ... it straight up and down and it shows everything and I brought it!!

Right before my birthday I went shopping for new bras... my boobs are completely unrecognizable they've gone from a 42DD to a 38C...I miss my boobs, and I fear if I continue to lose breast fat at this rate, I'll be a A when this journey is done... Fair readers please pray for my breasts (I can almost guarantee no one has asked for a prayer like that)

But the best part is my BIRTHDAY!! I turned 35 (and to be honest I totally don't think I look 35!)

So many positive and wonderful, and some sad things have happened since the last time I had an entry...but once thing that hasn't changed I remain committed and WILL reach my goal!

almost half there!

Almost a year since I decided to lose weight, and I'm half way there, * feeling positive and excited about the next half of my journey!

* So whenever I tell people how much weight I want to lose they look at me like I've lost my mind. My goal has always been to get healthy... not to get skinny...

Until next time ....

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

In: Blue Team , Current Weight , motivation , NSV , Nutritional values , Snark

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I have to write when the mood strikes me... and yes (a month later) it's hit me again (I'm such a bad blogger)

Fist of all let me say this to all my weight loss/ healthy livers... I hate, hate, hate those weight loss commercials, now I'm not saying that those programs don't work, (I used to do Weight Watchers... it works), but this dueling divas nonsense is getting on my nerves. Between Jennifer, Mariah and Janet I'm not sure who annoys me more ...okay...let me take Janet out of the equation, cause honestly she just walking in an incredibly ornate show outfit with a semi- bored sounding voice over...

Now I have to chose between Mariah Carey and her 7 octive yet highly annoying voice mixed in with a dance beat that I haven't heard since the 90's.... the only plus size to this commerical is she is gernally wearing more clothes that she usually does... and that's not saying much OR we can go with Jennifer Hudson who sings a mirad of songs (non of which she wrote) which are supposed to be inspiring but really just annoy me further all while looking like a human bobble head wearing black and white.... lest not forget the expectional commercial where she is singing with her younger, heavier self... non of these are inspiraring me to do anything other than turn the channel, who did they test market this crap with....skinny bitches?!

For the longest time I've struggled with the "big picture" while losing weight..so far I've lost over 25 pounds and while that may seem like a lot, I'm still at the point where I can't really see a difference, yeah my clothes fit differently and some items are way too big for me now, but to me my body looks exactly the same... that was until yesterday when I looked at my self...I mean really looked at myself. ... in a mirror.... NAKED ..

I normally don't look at myself naked, honestly I try not to, I figure I know what's there and what it looks like...no need to look and inspect...until I noticed that my boobs were smaller, then I turned to the side and noticed that my "roll" had deflated...then I looked at my thighs and realized they weren't as firm as the used to be... same with my stomach... then I noticed I had a mole right below my belly button... WHAT THE HELL!!! Who knew that was there!! Clearly this means that I have to stand nakes in front of a mirror more often... maybe in six months.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

In: Accountability , Current Weight , motivation , My Fitness Pal , NSV

Are you a Sabatour?

I ain't talking about the Alfred Hitchcock classic either....

Before I begin let me just say that this is MY diary, and how I see things, my weight loss and my journey, you don't like it you can stuff it! That being said... let's continue

I am grateful for all the support and encouragement that I get while on this journey, but when does it become sabotage?

I've gotten to the point where I've become extremely sensitive of people telling what I should eat, how I should eat. For example if I tell you I have a tuna sandwich from subway, a your response should not be "WOW, that's the worst sandwich on the menu".... and so what if it is... I ate the sandwich and other stuff, and stayed with in my caloric, carb, sugar and fat range... so why should you feel concerned about what I put in my mouth.

I have found that people LOVE a fat person, they are cute, and cuddly and for the most part amenable, we are the comic relief. So when a fat person wants to become better, do better, it becomes EVERYONE's concern. And yes, SABOTEURS will emerge, they mask themselves as friends, family and coworkers, but the one we should all be concerned about is the one that we see when we look in the mirror. Lately I've noticed that I've been doing small things the sabotage myself, namely drinking things (outside of water) and not accounting for them in my daily dairy.. and I know what more than anything those sugary drinks will add up, and show up when you least expect it.

This whole, "NEW YEAR, NEW YOU" mantra is more than just something ad companies are using to help get people in the gym, it's actually something I'm taking to heart. I'm on this whole new spiritual, physical, emotional journey. I am getting rid of the bad, (relationships, feelings, you name it) and surrounding myself with pure positive energy. I can't stop others from trying to be the saboteur, but I know ones things for sure. I will no longer be sabotaging myself.

As always when you know better, you do better.... until next time!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

In: Accountability , motivation , NSV , Weigh In

I have been missing from this blog for several months. The main reason for that was because I really had nothing to say, not because I had given up, or changed my mind about getting healthy. I had spent the time trying

to figure out what I wanted to do with this space. While I was on hiatus I realized a few things.

This is no longer about the scale, yes losing weight is a goal, but it's not the only goal. I started this journey for to become healthier and educate myself about why I eat and how I'm eating. Every week has presented a different challenge for me, and not every week there is a change on the scale. I accept that. I didn't get this way over night, and I realize that change take time.... or as the new title suggests "CHANGE IN PROGRESS". If getting to my goal weight takes two years.. I'll take it. Everyday I'm learning something about myself, everyday that I'm seeing changes in myself... from feeling better about myself to pants that are becoming looser and looser.

My NSV are outweighing my scale victories. And for now, I'm content with that

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

In: Accountability , Donnie Wahlberg , motivation , NSV , Nutritional values

Sometimes it's not about the scale

Because it's Wednesday, or Hump Day as I like to call it, because I'm halfway through the week. (And because Donnie Walhberg has a serious love for Humps..not to mention he's really nice to look at. So let's just take a moment to look at Mr. Donald Edmond Wahlberg) *sigh*

Hump Day is also what I like to all my reflection day, I get to look back on thing that went badly the first half of the week and try to end the week on a high note, although it doesn't happen this way.... sometimes it happened on Thursday... or if it's a really bad week it's on Friday....

Now, that I've wiped my mouth from all the drooling let's get back to business Non Scale Victories or NSV as most people like to call them. Let's be honest losing weight is about the numbers... how many pounds did you lose? , What number does the scale show? What size clothes are you wearing now? How many calories are you eating? See what I mean.... all about the numbers.

But there is a down side to that, a lot of dieters are all about the numbers, just like life, dieters should take pleasure in the small things... or in this case the Non Scale Victories. Many of who read this blog have celebrated the fact that you....

Can walk a flight of stair without being winded
Do squats without your knees hurting
Wear a pair of jeans that used to be a little bit more snug
Having more energy to play with your children

To the average person these may not seem like much, but to those of us who are losing weight it means a great deal. it's gives you a sense of pride to know that your hard work has improved the quality of your life, or the quality of your body. More often than not it's the NSV that are our greatest victories in weight loss.

Numbers are important, but they aren't everything. You may not lose one pound this week, but notice that you have more muscle tone in your legs... as far as I'm concerned that's a victory. You might not have lost a pound this week, but you passed on a slice of cheesecake when you went out to dinner with your girlfriends... that's a HUGE Victory. See what I mean, they're everywhere.But you might have missed yours cause you were looking at the scale.

This week Sunshine's Journey to 199 Team Blue came in at an awesome 26.2 pounds lost!!! Team Gold beat us by only .6lb this week! And to add on to the amazing news the groups collectively have lost an amazing HALF A TON in 7 weeks. Lives are changing and waists are getting smaller every single day. It's an amazing group of people I have aligned myself with and I couldn't be prouder of each and every one of them.

*****

Being Fierce in my *new* Blue Sports Bra

What's the saying? Every wrinkle has a story... well I don't have any wrinkles right now (know on wood) but I think my stomach has a story...my stomach is the story of my survival. After two liver transplants and other abdominal surgeries my stomach looks like a war torn country. After I had my first liver transplant in 1999 I would show my scar to anyone who asked. An inverted Y slightly darker than my normal complexion. It was a thing of beauty it was my badge of honor, "I survived a liver transplant and I'm awesome" For 9 years I carried that scar with pride, When I was told that I would need a second transplant my beautiful scar was the last thing on my mind was trying not to die in front of my mother. My team was amazing and my surgeon who did my previous surgery told me that he was going to use my previous scar as a guide so that it would appear that I only had one scar. Needless to say things didn't turn out that way...when I was released from the hospital my incision began to open and I developed a serious infection and had to have my entire incision reopened and after my debridement was placed on a wound pump while my stomach closed naturally . Because of this my stomach now looks like a frown (okay to be honest I don't know what the hell my stomach looks like...how about it has "sections")

I no longer show my stomach in pride, my beautiful scar is no more, and 3 years after my transplant I still look at my stomach in horror and disgust. I will never wear a bikini no matter how much weight I loss, I always wear loose shirts, I don't want to bring any attention to my stomach. The one day I was watching Dr. Oz and the audience was filled with women of all shapes and sizes in sports bras talking about their hate relationships with thier stomach and it struck a cord with me, and in that moment I realized that I was not brave enough to sit in that audience I don't like showing my boyfriend my stomach how in the hell could I get on national television and show America my "elephant man" stomach.

I had to seriously think about what it was that bothered me, was it the fact that I was fat? Nope! Was it the scar? Maybe! But I realized it was about being vulnerable, I don't know many people who like being vulnerable in front of anyone . I got brave and went to Longevity, Inc and posted this

So I'm sitting here watching Dr. Oz and they are talking about bellies and belly fat. All these women are sitting in the audience with sports bra bearing their bellies. All shapes and sizes of women. And it occurred to me... bearing you belly is like bearing your soul! You don't want to feel exposed and open, so like our bellies we cover it up. I find it interesting that just a few days ago we were talking about it, and I made the off handed comment that my stomach looks like a science experiment gone wrong. After two transplants (especially the last one) my stomach has been sliced and diced more than I would like and because my surgical wounds opened I had to allow my stomach to naturally close on it own... so the scar is huge and ugly. So me more than anyone else has reason to hide their belly.Many people have said that they feel a certain amount of freedom on this group, no judgement and acceptance is here. So why would it be difficult for me to show my belly. My belly is shows my battle scars of a person who's gone to war and won the fit... so I should be proud of that.
So I propose movement.... SHOW YOUR BELLIES!! Take a picture of yourselves in your sports bra as your "BEFORE" so you can slowly see the changes in your body...

Not pretty, but it's mine!

As of October 3, 2011 No one has posted a picture, so since I was the one who opened my mouth. I guess I gotta put out or shut up.... me and my grand ideas? What the hell was I thinking? And where was my common sense when I proposed this grand idea? So with great trepidation I am posting my picture

My stomach is not pretty, but it tells my story... And I'm okay with that!

(After looking at the picture I just realize I have stomach boobs....lol)

Thanks goes to my brother for braving the chunky butt and taking my pictures

I'm also wanna share my progression pics. Everything is the same. Shirt... Pants... even the Cat..
For those of you wondering Elmo has decided that he doesn't want to lose weight... and holding steady at 14 pounds!