Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I have to write when the mood strikes me... and yes (a month later) it's hit me again (I'm such a bad blogger)

Fist of all let me say this to all my weight loss/ healthy livers... I hate, hate, hate those weight loss commercials, now I'm not saying that those programs don't work, (I used to do Weight Watchers... it works), but this dueling divas nonsense is getting on my nerves. Between Jennifer, Mariah and Janet I'm not sure who annoys me more ...okay...let me take Janet out of the equation, cause honestly she just  walking in an incredibly ornate show outfit with a semi- bored sounding voice over...

Now I have to chose between Mariah Carey and her 7 octive yet highly annoying voice mixed in with a dance beat that I haven't heard since the 90's.... the only plus size to this commerical is she is gernally wearing more clothes that she usually does... and that's not saying much OR we can go with Jennifer Hudson who sings a mirad of songs (non of which she wrote) which are supposed to be inspiring but really just annoy me further all while looking like a human bobble head wearing black and white.... lest not forget the expectional commercial where she is singing with her younger, heavier self... non of these are inspiraring me to do anything other than turn the channel, who did they test market this crap with....skinny bitches?!

For the longest time I've struggled with the "big picture" while losing weight..so far I've lost over 25 pounds and while that may seem like a lot, I'm still at the point where I can't really see a difference, yeah my clothes fit differently and some items are way too big for me now, but to me my body looks exactly the same... that was until  yesterday when I looked at my self...I mean really looked at myself. ... in a mirror.... NAKED ..

I normally don't look at myself naked, honestly I try not to, I figure I know what's there and what it looks like...no need to look and inspect...until I noticed that my boobs were smaller, then I turned to the side and noticed that my "roll" had deflated...then I looked at my thighs and realized they weren't as firm as the used to be... same with my stomach... then I noticed I had a mole right below my belly button... WHAT THE HELL!!!  Who knew that was there!! Clearly this means that I have to stand nakes in front of a mirror more often... maybe in six months.

Everybody's Changing

This morning I was in the car on the way to the grocery store, while listening to my Keane CD (one of my favorite groups) for some reason but every song speaks to me, every song feels like a confirmation of something I've gone through. I've longed believed that their entire CD would be on the soundtrack of my life...(could be because I'm so darn introspective and cerebral).

But while I was driving, I felt like this could be a  posting on the blog, don't because it;s extremely relevant to my life right now, but it's something that I think my readers would be able to relate to.

Life has a funny way of you giving you what you need when you need it (and I guess taking it away when you don't) For a long time I've felt like I was going through a transformation (emotional, spiritually, physically), and because of it I've "grown out" of a lot of relationships. I can't stand here and tell you that I'm the same person I was ten years ago...I'm not the same person that I was six months ago, and I think that's okay, I think as humans we are meant to evolve, we are meant to experience the good and the bad.

So "out growing" relationships. I know that I said it, but I have a problem with the word. It's not like they are clothes or shoes or something. I would never say that a person(s) haven't touched my life in some way, so that they haven't been there for me through difficult times, but I've recently realized that you can't keep relationships just for the sake of having one, if a relationship (friendship, partnership, marriage...whatever) isn't a shared experience where there is give and take, why would you continue to stay in a one sided relationship. Why you continue to change and the person is not changing with you? Someone recently told me that this view was a cop-out. So let me ask you this? How many of your high-school friends are you still in contact with? How many friends from college do you still hang out with? (and friending them on Facebook doesn't count)

Have you ever hear, "people come into your life for a reason, and for a season?" I believe that, that's why I try my hardest not to burn bridges, you never know when they might come back into your life.

When I decided to loss weight, I never in a million years thought that this would be a such an emotional journey for me, the changes for me emotionally have far outweighed the physical changes. It's almost become a therapy for me... when you loss weight, you are forced to reevaluate your life and take a long , hard, honest look at it. Things emerge that were hidden and you find things about yourself that you never knew. I think this is one of the reasons you hear so many people (who have lost weight) say, "a lot of my friends say I've changed" or "It seems like I'm losing friends" Before I went on this journey I would have simply said they were jealous, but now being in that position I realize what it is. Everybody's Changing, just not in the same way.