Change in Progress: 2011

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Reflections on Life Lessons

I always say, "When you know better, you do better" I firmly believe that. And because the new year is upon us I like to reflect on the past year and look at some of the life lessons that I learned.

Family comes in many forms, blood relation has absolutely nothing to with it. I am eternally grateful for my family who ALWAYS stand besides me no matter what.
It took me years to gain weight, it may very well take me years to take it off... and I'm okay with that!
Never make New Years Resolutions....
There is a difference between friendships and acquaintanceship....you learn very quickly when things get rough which one you're in.
No matter how much I weigh, I can confidently say that I love myself no matter what
Bullshit has no place in my life, if you like to spread it... go some where else...this is a bullshit free zone
I need to take more risks... as far as I'm concerned the worst has already happened
The hugs of a mom is the most magical thing, they can cure all ills
I don't have the life that I wanted, but that doesn't make it any less important
I'm still a work in progress

What life lessons have you learned this year?

See ya next year !

Are you a Sabatour?

I ain't talking about the Alfred Hitchcock classic either....

Before I begin let me just say that this is MY diary, and how I see things, my weight loss and my journey, you don't like it you can stuff it! That being said... let's continue

I am grateful for all the support and encouragement that I get while on this journey, but when does it become sabotage?

I've gotten to the point where I've become extremely sensitive of people telling what I should eat, how I should eat. For example if I tell you I have a tuna sandwich from subway, a your response should not be "WOW, that's the worst sandwich on the menu".... and so what if it is... I ate the sandwich and other stuff, and stayed with in my caloric, carb, sugar and fat range... so why should you feel concerned about what I put in my mouth.

I have found that people LOVE a fat person, they are cute, and cuddly and for the most part amenable, we are the comic relief. So when a fat person wants to become better, do better, it becomes EVERYONE's concern. And yes, SABOTEURS will emerge, they mask themselves as friends, family and coworkers, but the one we should all be concerned about is the one that we see when we look in the mirror. Lately I've noticed that I've been doing small things the sabotage myself, namely drinking things (outside of water) and not accounting for them in my daily dairy.. and I know what more than anything those sugary drinks will add up, and show up when you least expect it.

This whole, "NEW YEAR, NEW YOU" mantra is more than just something ad companies are using to help get people in the gym, it's actually something I'm taking to heart. I'm on this whole new spiritual, physical, emotional journey. I am getting rid of the bad, (relationships, feelings, you name it) and surrounding myself with pure positive energy. I can't stop others from trying to be the saboteur, but I know ones things for sure. I will no longer be sabotaging myself.

As always when you know better, you do better.... until next time!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

In: Accountability , motivation , NSV , Weigh In

I have been missing from this blog for several months. The main reason for that was because I really had nothing to say, not because I had given up, or changed my mind about getting healthy. I had spent the time trying

to figure out what I wanted to do with this space. While I was on hiatus I realized a few things.

This is no longer about the scale, yes losing weight is a goal, but it's not the only goal. I started this journey for to become healthier and educate myself about why I eat and how I'm eating. Every week has presented a different challenge for me, and not every week there is a change on the scale. I accept that. I didn't get this way over night, and I realize that change take time.... or as the new title suggests "CHANGE IN PROGRESS". If getting to my goal weight takes two years.. I'll take it. Everyday I'm learning something about myself, everyday that I'm seeing changes in myself... from feeling better about myself to pants that are becoming looser and looser.

My NSV are outweighing my scale victories. And for now, I'm content with that

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

In: Fast Food , My Fitness Pal , Nutritional values , Travel

Eating on the Run

It's been a long time but I'm back... and when I say I've missed you dear blog, I mean it! . So let's get to it....

One of the reason's why I was unable to blog was because I was out of town (then when I got back I had a major personal crises that stressed me out to the point where blogging would have become more ranting than helpful) First off let me say that I have been tracking both food and exercise to remain accountable and I'm learning about my strengthens and weakness when it comes to both

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

In: Accountability , Donnie Wahlberg , motivation , NSV , Nutritional values

Sometimes it's not about the scale

Because it's Wednesday, or Hump Day as I like to call it, because I'm halfway through the week. (And because Donnie Walhberg has a serious love for Humps..not to mention he's really nice to look at. So let's just take a moment to look at Mr. Donald Edmond Wahlberg) *sigh*

Hump Day is also what I like to all my reflection day, I get to look back on thing that went badly the first half of the week and try to end the week on a high note, although it doesn't happen this way.... sometimes it happened on Thursday... or if it's a really bad week it's on Friday....

Now, that I've wiped my mouth from all the drooling let's get back to business Non Scale Victories or NSV as most people like to call them. Let's be honest losing weight is about the numbers... how many pounds did you lose? , What number does the scale show? What size clothes are you wearing now? How many calories are you eating? See what I mean.... all about the numbers.

But there is a down side to that, a lot of dieters are all about the numbers, just like life, dieters should take pleasure in the small things... or in this case the Non Scale Victories. Many of who read this blog have celebrated the fact that you....

Can walk a flight of stair without being winded
Do squats without your knees hurting
Wear a pair of jeans that used to be a little bit more snug
Having more energy to play with your children

To the average person these may not seem like much, but to those of us who are losing weight it means a great deal. it's gives you a sense of pride to know that your hard work has improved the quality of your life, or the quality of your body. More often than not it's the NSV that are our greatest victories in weight loss.

Numbers are important, but they aren't everything. You may not lose one pound this week, but notice that you have more muscle tone in your legs... as far as I'm concerned that's a victory. You might not have lost a pound this week, but you passed on a slice of cheesecake when you went out to dinner with your girlfriends... that's a HUGE Victory. See what I mean, they're everywhere.But you might have missed yours cause you were looking at the scale.

Monday, October 3, 2011

In: Blue Team , Current Weight , Longevity , motivation , Nutritional values , Starting Weight , Sunshine's Journey to 199

Tummy Tales

This week Sunshine's Journey to 199 Team Blue came in at an awesome 26.2 pounds lost!!! Team Gold beat us by only .6lb this week! And to add on to the amazing news the groups collectively have lost an amazing HALF A TON in 7 weeks. Lives are changing and waists are getting smaller every single day. It's an amazing group of people I have aligned myself with and I couldn't be prouder of each and every one of them.

*****

Being Fierce in my *new* Blue Sports Bra

What's the saying? Every wrinkle has a story... well I don't have any wrinkles right now (know on wood) but I think my stomach has a story...my stomach is the story of my survival. After two liver transplants and other abdominal surgeries my stomach looks like a war torn country. After I had my first liver transplant in 1999 I would show my scar to anyone who asked. An inverted Y slightly darker than my normal complexion. It was a thing of beauty it was my badge of honor, "I survived a liver transplant and I'm awesome" For 9 years I carried that scar with pride, When I was told that I would need a second transplant my beautiful scar was the last thing on my mind was trying not to die in front of my mother. My team was amazing and my surgeon who did my previous surgery told me that he was going to use my previous scar as a guide so that it would appear that I only had one scar. Needless to say things didn't turn out that way...when I was released from the hospital my incision began to open and I developed a serious infection and had to have my entire incision reopened and after my debridement was placed on a wound pump while my stomach closed naturally . Because of this my stomach now looks like a frown (okay to be honest I don't know what the hell my stomach looks like...how about it has "sections")

I no longer show my stomach in pride, my beautiful scar is no more, and 3 years after my transplant I still look at my stomach in horror and disgust. I will never wear a bikini no matter how much weight I loss, I always wear loose shirts, I don't want to bring any attention to my stomach. The one day I was watching Dr. Oz and the audience was filled with women of all shapes and sizes in sports bras talking about their hate relationships with thier stomach and it struck a cord with me, and in that moment I realized that I was not brave enough to sit in that audience I don't like showing my boyfriend my stomach how in the hell could I get on national television and show America my "elephant man" stomach.

I had to seriously think about what it was that bothered me, was it the fact that I was fat? Nope! Was it the scar? Maybe! But I realized it was about being vulnerable, I don't know many people who like being vulnerable in front of anyone . I got brave and went to Longevity, Inc and posted this

So I'm sitting here watching Dr. Oz and they are talking about bellies and belly fat. All these women are sitting in the audience with sports bra bearing their bellies. All shapes and sizes of women. And it occurred to me... bearing you belly is like bearing your soul! You don't want to feel exposed and open, so like our bellies we cover it up. I find it interesting that just a few days ago we were talking about it, and I made the off handed comment that my stomach looks like a science experiment gone wrong. After two transplants (especially the last one) my stomach has been sliced and diced more than I would like and because my surgical wounds opened I had to allow my stomach to naturally close on it own... so the scar is huge and ugly. So me more than anyone else has reason to hide their belly.Many people have said that they feel a certain amount of freedom on this group, no judgement and acceptance is here. So why would it be difficult for me to show my belly. My belly is shows my battle scars of a person who's gone to war and won the fit... so I should be proud of that.
So I propose movement.... SHOW YOUR BELLIES!! Take a picture of yourselves in your sports bra as your "BEFORE" so you can slowly see the changes in your body...

Not pretty, but it's mine!

As of October 3, 2011 No one has posted a picture, so since I was the one who opened my mouth. I guess I gotta put out or shut up.... me and my grand ideas? What the hell was I thinking? And where was my common sense when I proposed this grand idea? So with great trepidation I am posting my picture

My stomach is not pretty, but it tells my story... And I'm okay with that!

(After looking at the picture I just realize I have stomach boobs....lol)

Thanks goes to my brother for braving the chunky butt and taking my pictures

I'm also wanna share my progression pics. Everything is the same. Shirt... Pants... even the Cat..
For those of you wondering Elmo has decided that he doesn't want to lose weight... and holding steady at 14 pounds!

254

270

Sunday, October 2, 2011

In: 30/40/50 Challenge , Accountability , Blue Team , Longevity , Mom's Wisdom , Nutritional values , Pretty Girl Rock , Sunshine's Journey to 199 , Weekend Update

Pretty Girl('s Do Indeed) Rock

Yesterday I posted something on Longevity , " I realize something today (Has an AHA! moment) I realized that I'm pretty. This is a big deal for me because I have never considered myself pretty ...EVER!"

Maybe I should start at the beginning.... being the only girl from a woman who is also the only girl, my mother instilled in me the art of being girly, now this coming from a sassy woman was quite a lesson hair was always done to perfection, ribbons and hair barrettes ALWAYS matched my outfit and earrings were a must. As I got older girdles were added to the mix. Because in the tradition of southern black women, "a lady ALWAYS wears a girdle" so I should especially proud because I was 12 years old and wearing a girdle.

*****

By the time high school came around, I had the girly thing down pact, although the pig tails and the hair barrettes were gone I was still wearing the girdle and would roll my hair every night before school so that my hair would be curled perfection... no one could tell you that I wasn't girly. But with high school came the cruel reality that I could be girly but could I be pretty.? There were a lot of pretty girls at my high school and I was friends with a lot of them, but I never felt like anything other than the fat, funny sidekick... this feeling stayed with me for years.

*****

3 college degrees, 2 liver transplants, boyfriends I dare not count, and friends near and far, and lesson's that have served me well through life, I still have yet to learned how to be pretty. My mother on the other had always had the motto that she was "As Fine As Wine" and no one could tell her different, my motto was, "Fake It Till You Make It" Over the years, I've allowed myself to be cute, maybe even attractive, but it wasn't until yesterday that I looked in the mirror and really looked at myself. I looked at my freckles, my eyes, even my pointy ears, and the rest of my imperfections and thought to myself, "Tyra you're pretty". Why did it take me so long to find my pretty?

*****

I don't think the answer has anything to do with looks. I think more than anything it's about acceptance. At the age of 34 I learned a lesson my mother has spent her entire life teaching her children, "Love yourself first, and others will follow", all this time I was trying to be pretty... when I was beautiful all along.

Now for those of you who were wondering. I stopped wearing a girdle when I graduated high school... as I got older it felt like my girly bits were being strangled and I longed to be free... I do wear Spankx on special occasions...my mother, well she still wears a griddle daily. And she swears if I wore one daily this would have been a lesson I would have learned years ago.

Thanks to everyone at Longevity, Inc. who shared this AHA! moment with me and to Stacey, Michelle and Davette for the encouraging words

*****

Now on to the fun part.... This weekend I have been good!

Saturday

Totals	1324	165	55	52
Your Daily Goal	1626	223	54	61
Remaining	302	58	-1	9
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein

I finally got a chance to do some walking....and shopping!

Sunday

Totals	1656	193	61	90
Your Daily Goal	1833	252	61	68
Remaining	177	59	0	-22
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein

I actually had more protien that I am allowed....this is a first!!

Did you know that DO is the first part of DONE?? As always, when you know better you do better!

I've given up on Donnie Wahlberg, he's just not doing it for me anymore, so it's time to find another motivational song... so I went with something I love, love, love ....Lady GaGa (clearly it was time to pull out the big guns.... keep reading and you'll find out why)

*****

So after spending a two weeks battling an infection and some weird jaw situation, and a 10 pound weight gain but now I'm BACK! And let me say that getting back in the grove of thing has been very difficult, after spending 3 hours trying to figure out how to get out of the day and be productive, only to roll over and decide it wasn't worth it... needless to say I got out of bed and tried to start the day right.. I logged on to Sparks People and start tracking my nutrition and my activities.
*****
CONFESSION TIME

I had some Little Debbies.... okay... OKAY I had 3!! They say that admitting the problem is the first step, but they were talking to me... they were saying "We know you don't feel well, so eat us and it'll be all better" So did I feel better... no like a half a second, which probably accounts to why I had 3.. I won't fall for that trick again you chocolate pieces of yumminess...So if I would have had them I would have eaten I would have stay within my caloric allotment.

I need to incorporate more protein into my diet, it's difficult because I don't eat a lot of meat, I don't like eggs, and it seems to be the barrier that's been difficult for me to get through, and it's so important for weight loss, so I'm going to invest in protein powder and see how that works for me, if any of you have suggestions which would be helpful
******

So back to how I got my ass handed to me...

Protein My Goal – 60-151 Today – 33

Protein is an essential nutrient that does more than build muscles. It plays a role in cell repair, hormone production and fluid balance, to name a few. So pump up your protein intake to stay fit and healthy.
Bring on the beans. All types of beans provide about 7 grams of protein per 1/2-cup serving. Add them to soups, salads, burritos, omelets, and more! (none of these sound appealing to me)

Calories My Goal – 1480-1830 Today – 1995

Eating too many calories can lead to weight problems, which can increase your risk of several lifestyle diseases. (No..... REALLY??)

Carbohydrates My Goal – 195-281 Today – 300

While carbohydrates provide energy and nutrients, too much of a good thing can be bad. A high carbohydrate intake can lead to weight problems, blood sugar spikes, energy lulls, and increased hunger. An excessive carb intake can also increase your risk for diseases such as heart disease, insulin resistance, and diabetes.
Limit sweets. Sweet and sugary foods are often rich in carbohydrates and calories, but provide little nutrition beyond that. (It was the Little Debbie's... they called to me *looks down in shame*)

Calories My Goal – 1480-1830 Today – 1995

Eating too many calories can lead to weight problems, which can increase your risk of several lifestyle diseases. (rolls eyes)

Clearly you can see I don't enjoy being told what's what..even if it is a website that I signed up for....but I have to remember that tomorrow is another day, another day to be better and be better, and I plan to do just that!

Totals	1080	88	55	63
Your Daily Goal	1410	194	47	53
Remaining	330	106	-8	-10
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein

Totals	1905	236	79	73
Your Daily Goal	2282	313	76	85
Remaining	377	77	-3	12
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein

Totals	990	160	31	23	20	3000
Your Daily Goal	1991	273	66	74	40	2500
Remaining	1001	113	35	51	20	-500
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Sugar	Sodium

Change in Progress

Pages

Blog Archive

About Me

Blog Archive

Followers

Reflections on Life Lessons

Are you a Sabatour?

Eating on the Run

Sometimes it's not about the scale

Tummy Tales

Pretty Girl('s Do Indeed) Rock

My "Secret" Shame

Rain, rain go away!

How deciding a life of yes turned into a challenge part 2

How deciding a life of yes turned into a challenge part 1

I totally got my ass handed to me today